Arguments with young children are inevitable. But how we respond can make all the difference in de-escalating the situation and teaching valuable communication skills. Dr. Kyle Pruett, a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine and a member of The Goddard School Educational Advisory Board, offers these effective strategies:
When your child protests perceived unfairness, like Alexander in Judith Viorst's classic book, acknowledge their feelings while explaining the reasoning behind your decision. For example, if they argue about not getting new sneakers, you could say, "I understand that it feels unfair right now. You'll get new sneakers when you need them, just like your brother did. That's how we do things in our family."
If your child resists completing tasks, like picking up toys, try turning it into a game. Set a timer and challenge them to see how much they can accomplish before it rings. This adds an element of fun and encourages cooperation. Alternatively, you can connect the task to a desired activity: "I know you want to go to the park. Once you put your blocks away, we can go!"
When you feel yourself getting pulled into an argument, take a step back. Stand firmly and silently for 10-30 seconds, take a few deep breaths, and then calmly state, "I am not arguing anymore." This demonstrates that you're in control and not going to engage in a power struggle. Silence, without shaming, can be a powerful tool for de-escalation.
By implementing these strategies, you can transform arguments into opportunities for teaching valuable communication skills and building stronger parent-child relationships.